Gospel Singing Group “Heathen & The Philistines” Suffers Low Record Sales

Shock waves were sent through the gospel music community when new group Heathen & the Philistines were dropped from their label. The band’s debut album entitled Pagan Party, failed to record even one sale after it was released in late September. Not a single download, CD sold or even one view on the bands YouTube page where it can be listened to at no cost.

“This is a sad day for gospel music” said lead singer Howard Heathen. “So many are turning away from the Lord. We’re putting the message out there but no one wants to hear it.” When asked if perhaps the name of the band might be a turnoff to gospel listeners, Heathen responded “Not at all. Our name is very biblical. It lets people know we’re representing the Bible. It would be the same if we named the band Noah & The Arks or The Good Samaritans. Folks just don’t want to hear gospel music anymore.”

The album cover features Heathen dressed only in a loincloth along with the rest of the band in a room filled with what appears to be a fog of marijuana smoke. “It’s Frankincense and Myrrh which is also Biblical. I don’t know why the record company says our image is a problem. True Christians should embrace it.”

The band has no plans to tour as no one on the gospel circuit is willing to book them. Heathen says he will work even harder. “We’re in the studio right now working on a new album called Sunshine & Sodomites. We’re always going to have a Biblical reference in the title so the Christian community will have no trouble finding us.”

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.