Study Shows Sundays Are The Worst Days To Go On Facebook

A recent study on which days were best to stay off Facebook showed that Sundays were the days the most annoying, irritating, ignorant, hypocritical and downright genocide of time producing posts were placed.

Dr. John Toy of the University of Helsinki explained: The absolute worst people are home on Sundays and have nothing better to do. Sundays show an increase in religious chain messages that come from people feeling guilty. They spent Saturday night engaged in a cocaine and cheap whiskey fueled threesome with a distant cousin and a confused pet that ain’t ever going to be right again. They want to find God and think everybody else is nasty and needs to as well.”

Dr. Toy said there is an even lower type of human who posts on Facebook on Sundays. “Cowboys fans! They start out early in the morning talking about what their Cowboys are going to do. If they beat the worst team in the league it’s a sign they’re going to the Super Bowl. If they get stomped by 40 pts then it was no big deal.”

Sundays also see a rise in stories by bogus news organizations. “People think if something is printed then it’s real. That’s why the National Enquirer is still around. People will post and share articles from places with names like The Pinocchio Tribune and Flaming Pants Press.

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.