NFL Opening Weekend Turns Good Fathers Into Deadbeat Dads

The NFL opened it’s 100th season this past weekend. Fathers all across the country used the occasion to say to hell with fatherly responsibilities and duties to watch football. Miriam Rodriquez came home to a two year old with an empty stomach and a full diaper. “This kid eats all the time” said Miriam’s husband Rafael. “He can’t wait til the game is over? Bad enough he started hollerin’ every time somethin’ good happened”. Cleveland Browns fan Clarence Gaines quit his job managing a Wal-Mart because he was scheduled to work on opening weekend. “I told them I wasn’t working, they scheduled me anyway so I quit. I can get another job, I can’t get opening weekend back. Asked if he had a family that depended on his income Gaines wasn’t worried. “We’re living in different times. My wife can pick up the slack. Me being the breadwinner is a form of toxic masculinity. I’m gonna be a stay at home dad. Football comes on three times a week. This is gonna work out fine.”

Perhaps the worse case weekend neglect came from Elijah Hooks who called an Uber to take his live-in girlfriend to the hospital when she went into labor with their child just before kickoff”. “She good” said Hooks. “I told her to text me to let me know if its a girl or a boy. I hope she don’t have it until after the game is over but if I know her, she’s gonna have it during the 2nd quarter then expect me to drive to the hospital during halftime.

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.