Chicken Sandwiches Sold Out Two Weeks Ago. Americans Somehow Find The Will To Survive

Two weeks ago, U.S. citizens were devastated and traumatized. The Popeye’s Chicken chain ran out of chicken sandwiches that every American is entitled to. Counseling and grief centers have been set up nationwide to help an angst ridden population deal with the fact that it may be weeks or even months before the chicken sandwich is available again.

Some families have been able to find a way to get through it. “Losing the chicken sandwich so suddenly has brought my family closer to God.” said Maurice Meeks. “We weren’t a religious family before but when the chicken ran out, we had to find something to believe in. We now know that God is just putting us through a test, that he still loves us. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away and for a while, he has taketh our chicken sandwiches.”

Other families haven’t been as fortunate. Sandra Odobea said that after the sandwiches ran out, her husband left on a quest to get more sandwiches. He hasn’t been back since. “I haven’t seen or heard from him” said the distraught mother of four. “I just hope he knows that we wait for him every day and that he better not come back without those damn sandwiches.” A spokeswoman for Popeye’s said they are using every hormone, cloning technique and unethical experiment to bring the chicken sandwich sooner that what should be possible. An eager nation awaits.

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.