SoCal Man Says He Stopped Earthquake By Shooting It

Bakersfield, CA.- Southern California has been experiencing a series of earthquakes and aftershocks since July 4th. Most residents have been quietly dealing with the force of nature. Robert Schotz decided to take matters into his own hand. “I was minding my own business when the ground started shaking. I didn’t like it and I wasn’t gonna be no victim so I started shooting it and you know what? It stopped.”

Family members have tried to convince Schotz that isn’t how earthquakes work but Schotz stands by his actions. “Everybody trying to tell me you can’t shoot an earthquake. I did, and it stopped. I had my six year old daughter try to tell me different. Sad thing is everybody is agreeing with her. Don’t make sense for folks to follow the logic of a six year old.” Schotz said his wife of seven years took the kids and left. “I guess they’re scared of another earthquake. I ain’t going nowheres. If it comes back, I will be ready for it and this time I won’t be shooting to wound.”

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.