Police Officer Shoots Black Panther Roller Coaster Ride At Amusement Park. Says He Feared For His Life

Six Flags Valencia, CA.– An off duty police officer shot the new “Black Panther The Ride” attraction at a well known amusement park. Officer Jimmy Griffin who was off duty at the time shot the ride 8 times shortly after getting on. In a statement Officer Griffin said ” I thought I was going to die. I’ve never come across something that big that could hurl me around like I was nothing.”

When asked about his experience on The Captain American Ride which claimed the lives of five people a year ago due to structural problems, Officer Griffin stated “I rode it today. We were stuck on it for an hour. That ride needs help, it has a lot of problems but deserves a chance to be great. You can’t blame a ride when the design system fails it.”

One witness to the shooting of Black Panther the Ride said “The ride should have complied, I was sitting behind Officer Griffin and several times you could hear him screaming ‘Oh God, oh God, oh God! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!’ but the ride kept going.”  

Another park goer, Jennifer Schulte aka Barbecue Becky visiting from Oakland CA. said she called the police earlier in the day because the ride looked suspicious.   The ride is expected to survive. Officer Griffin was placed on paid administrative leave and plans to spend some of his time off at the amusement park.

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.