Wine Sales Triple On The First Day Back To School

school daze

Parents rejoice as their kids return to school bringing peace and quiet back to the home.  Parents across the nation are in celebration mode.  Gregory and Michelle Mayo of Erie Pennsylvania plan their Summer vacations to start on the first day of school.

“We can be off work and start day drinking as soon as the kids go to school” said Michelle.  While parents are rejoicing, they aren’t the only reason for the dramatic increase in sales. Grandparents who are unfairly burdened during the summer are raising their glasses as well.

” I understand my son needing a break but there’s a reason God made it so we don’t give birth after a certain age…we ain’t supposed to be raising kids” Said Patricia Sanders a Houston grandmother. 

Teachers seeing an end to their summer break need the elixir to drown their sorrows. First grade teacher Richard Gutta shared his thoughts:

“I wish they could give us a shiny red bottle of wine instead of apples.  These kids come in with new clothes, new shoes and expensive book bags. When I tell them they need to buy a special resource guide for $15 dollars, parents call me and go ballistic about not having money.  I need a drink after work…before work….and some days, during work.”

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He is also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.